Picture a single dad helping his kid with homework, getting him ready for school each morning, meeting teachers and attending local PTA meetings and you are picturing a rather beleaguered man at the best of times.

Though not all single fathers complain about this, the fact remains that they also have to contend with a certain genre of women in whom they seem to catalyse some very unhelpful motherly instincts. Such women are overwhelmed with a need to be a mother both to the child and the father, and ‘adopt’ both for all the wrong reasons.

The parenting world is geared for mothers, not fathers. This means that single fathers have to operate in a world that believes that they are simply not equipped to care adequately for their children.

Let’s Hear It For The New Breed Of Single Dads!

Be that as it may, single fathers are growing in numbers. More and more courts grant custody of a child to fathers who can and do display sufficient ability to provide for their children’s needs. In fact, it has now been proved that men are just as capable of successful single parenting as women, and that men bond better with their children in a single parenting situation than in a two-parent setup!

Bucking Stacked Social Opinion

We tend to regard single fathers either with pity, disdain or suspicion.

* Pity, because we know the parenting match is fixed in favour of women

* Disdain, because we believe that only a selfish, uncaring and possibly ineffectual man would ‘deny’ his child a mother

* Suspicion, because we expect some gross abnormality to crop up in the ‘deprived’ child at any point

Very few of us see this emerging status as a natural extension of the ‘metrosexual’ – the all-male man who can handle tasks normally attributed to women with despatch and élan.

Strategic Advantages

Going by present statistics, single father parents generally make a better go of things post divorce than single mothers –and are also more emotionally ‘there’. The reason, of course, is that single fathers tend to have a better financial infrastructure – because of which they do not wig out over money matters as easily as single mothers do. In the absence of excessive preoccupation with finances, single fathers are able to devote more time and calmer, more level-headed attention to their kids.

Another advantage that single fathers have over their female counterparts is that they are more secure in their own skins when it comes to personal relaxation and recreation. Single mothers are often guilt-driven to include their kids in almost everything they do.

In practical terms, this means that single fathers offer their children more space and more freedom to structure their own time. They are also far more able to unwind and de-stress than single mothers, which further reduces the burden on children.

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About the Author:
Arun Chitnis writes for Parentella, a private communication platform for parents and teachers. By creating a parent community, we enhance conversations between parents and teachers. Visit us for a private, safe, and secure experience in communicating with your child’s educationists.
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I visualized my girls and I doing things together and I saw them thriving. Those were my daily images, only positive outcomes. I found comfort in books like Kubler Ross’s “On Death and Dying,” Hope Edelman’s “Motherless Daughter’s” & Cosby’s “Fatherhood.”

I learned first hand what being grateful for life and those we love, truly means.  I worked very hard at balancing what was normal for my girls and not ignoring the death of their Mother. Julia, Lauren and I hugged and cried every day. I made certain that they knew emotionally, that we had one another.

If I sensed they were going into a shell, I would try to interact and relate to them by asking them questions about friends, clothes, school etc. I made it a point to do everything as a family. We went grocery shopping together, out for ice cream and had them help make dinner on a regular basis. I wanted them to feel secure and know their Dad wasn’t going anywhere.

Over time, I had developed insomnia. The sudden absence of Jody in our bed, left me awake until late hours of the night, reading, watching TV and just thinking.  My heart and soul felt so empty and I wondered if I would ever feel whole again. 

After a week home, the school counselor and I agreed that my daughters’ lives should get back to normal. So, Lauren and Julia went back to school. I remember it being a beautiful sunny day.

I decided to walk the 200 yards to the bus stop to meet them. I could tell they were upset as they got off the bus, which I’d expected of their first day back. We walked in tense silence, once we entered the safe haven of the house, both girls burst into tears. After a few moments of a much needed emotional release, they shared their day with me. 

Amazingly they’d discovered a pair of sisters, one in Lauren’s class and the other in Julia’s who had lost their mother to breast cancer, one week before our loss. I remembered thinking to myself “I need to reach out to Kevin (the father) and just let him know he’s not alone.”

Immediately, the thought of creating a Support Group for fathers who’d lost their wives entered my mind and was put into action soon thereafter. And thus began my journey toward becoming a Life Coach. I started looking at everything differently, I turned down a promotion at work promising more money and more travel, and accepted a lower level position to be closer to home and more available to my girls. My self-reflection eventually led me to completely walk away from corporate America to focus on my Life Coach career.

If you find the courage to embark on the journey, I know you’ll find that open door; for that open door lies dormant in your heart and soul, just waiting to awaken.

As my priorities shifted, I’d become aware of the joy, peace and love that are possible in the simple every day things. My previously conceived notions of what I wanted for my life fell away. I know that when life closes a door another one always opens. It is my deepest desire to help others find the best path to their open door.  

After not sleeping for a few weeks I had the urge to be as close to Jody as I could be.  And so, every night for weeks, I would sit on the floor of Jody’s walk in closet, pick out one of her blouses and wrap it around my neck and shoulders. Breathing her in, I’d cry myself to sleep.  At first I didn’t tell the girls about it, but something told me to share it all with them. I think it helped the girls feel okay about their own experiences and sharing them with me. 

Robert Frost once said “there is a time for departure, even when there is no certain place to go.” The girls and I had no choice but to take a new direction in our lives. I’m not ashamed to tell you I was terrified. I was always a pretty good father but I needed reinforcements, this was new, scary territory.   

I tapped into a spiritual strength I never knew I had. I spoke out loud to God whenever I was alone, in the shower, in the car, at night in bed. I asked to be blessed with divine guidance, courage, strength, and to say and do the right things for my girls. I began meditating daily for about 20 minutes, which I still do to this day.

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About the Author:
Larry Agresto is a Life & Success Coach and the founder of Peak Performance Coaching.
He is also a writer, author and speaker. His work and writings focus on change and transformation. His latest work “The Power of Magical Thinking,” is about empowering people to realize their “true potential,” enabling them to live the fulfilled life they’ve always hoped for.

Shifting from the “automatic pilot”behavior of negative past experiences and limited thinking, one becomes empowered by being truly present in their life. In doing so, we begin to experience the unlimited thinking capable in the present moment, which in turn empowers the opportunity for unlimited possibilities into our lives. This is where greatness lives.

He has written several e-books; “The Principles of Success, The Journey, What’s Stopping You and The 21 Day Breakthrough.” His latest e-book is entitled “The Power of Magical Thinking.”

He has a BA from Bentley College in Business/Government and an AA in Psychology/Education.

Think Magic

Larry Agresto
Life & Success Coach
Peak Performance Coaching
www.larryagresto.com
(978) 649-1020
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